Eddie's Farm

Eddie licked chickens on the farm
When he was just sixteen
A little ferret was his friend
He used to keep his bottom clean
The moment that he touched a goat
He stroked it everyday (stroked it everyday)
It was a very happy farm
Where Eddie and the midgets played

Chorus
Eddie's got 27 pigs and a dozen cows
He became a farmer to abuse his sows
Said he screwed a different goat after every stoat
And the sausage man came marching in again

Eddie finished at the sty
And then harrassed a horse (harrassed a horse)
He rubbed it up and down it's back
And mounted it with violent force (with violent force)
Took seven voles to his mum's bedroom
They nibbled off his clothes (nibbled off his clothes)
Some people say he was a weirdo
But fuck me (baaaaaaaah) you should see him go

Chorus
Eddie's got 27 pigs and a dozen cows (say ee eye ee eye oh, ee eye ee eye oh)
He became a farmer to abuse his sows
Said he screwed a different goat after every stoat (ee eye ee eye oh, ee eye ee eye oh)
And the sausage man came marching in again/were eating sandwiches

Say ee eye ee eye oh!

(Loads of random shouting from the others while this big is sung, Dave screaming "Your Mum!" "Stay out of my life".....) He's in deep inside a beaver
You hear him moan but don't be scared
He's like diseases, he comes and then he goes, yea, let's go)

Three days later, Eddie's sitting in a cell
Serves him right for giving all his horses hell
So now the goats can live in peace and harmony
Safe in the knowledge there'll be no more beastiality

Chorus
Eddie had 27 pigs and a dozen cows (Eddie had a farm, but he caused it harm)
He became a farmer to abuse his sows/cow
Said he screwed a different goat after every stoat (after every show, Eddie nailed a goat)
And the sausage men were eating sandwiches, yeah, eheheheheheh